Real Reason For Blonde Jokes

Please if you have blonde hair do not be offended.

Just because some one is blonde doesn’t mean they are stupid. I just thought this was kinda funny.

Don’t Kill The Spider

Don’t Be An Askhole

What Is A Cockwomble?

A person, usually male, prone to making outrageously stupid statements and/or inappropriate behaviour while generally having a very high opinion of his own wisdom and importance.

It is a British Slang and derogatory term given to a foolish person.

Health Tips Of Vodka

Health Tip of the Day – Who knew?!!!!

1. To remove a bandage painlessly, saturate the bandage with vodka. The stuff dissolves adhesive.

2. To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers, fill a trigger-spray bottle with vodka, spray the caulking, let set five minutes and wash clean. The alcohol in the vodka kills mould and mildew.

3. To clean your eyeglasses,simply wipe the lenses with a soft, clean cloth dampened with vodka. The alcohol in the vodka cleans the glass and kills germs.

4. Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and letting your safety razor blade soak in the alcohol after shaving. The vodka disinfects the blade and prevents rusting.

5. Spray vodka on wine stains, scrub with a brush, and then blot dry.

6.. Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to your face as an astringent to cleanse the skin and tighten pores.

7. Add a jigger of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo. The alcohol cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from hair, and stimulates the growth of healthy hair.

8. Fill a sixteen-ounce trigger-spray bottle with vodka and spray bees or wasps to kill them.

9 Pour one-half cup vodka and one-half cup water into a Ziploc freezer bag and freeze for a slushy, refreshing ice pack for aches, pain or black eyes.

10. Fill a clean, used mayonnaise jar with freshly packed lavender flowers, fill the jar with vodka, seal the lid tightly and set in the sun for three days. Strain liquid through a coffee filter, then apply the tincture to aches and pains.

11. Swish a shot of vodka over an aching tooth. Allow your gums to absorb some of the alcohol to numb the pain.

And silly me!
I’ve only been drinking the stuff !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:)

Some Amusing Quotes To Make You Smile

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was ‘the man goes on top and the woman underneath.’ For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.

I don’t excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.

Don’t tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won’t respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, ‘Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.’.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

Most success springs from an obstacle or failure. I became a cartoonist largely because I failed in my goal of becoming a successful executive.

Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.

With money in your pocket, you are wise and you are handsome and you sing well, too.

Part of the $10 million I spent on gambling, part on booze and part on women. The rest I spent foolishly.

Continue reading »

Baby Koala Named Hope as Tribute to Australia Wildfires

Meet Hope, the little koala offering up a little bit of good news for a species devastated by Australia’s wildfires. Hope was born at Zoo Miami in May, and was originally named Joey. But when the little one emerged from its mother’s pouch for the first time recently, the zoo felt we could all use a little more hope.

Google You Are doing It Wrong

Now Go Tell Him You Have A Headache

It’s a beautiful, warm spring morning and a man and his wife are spending the day at the zoo. She’s wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. He’s wearing his normal jeans and a T-shirt.

The zoo is not very busy this morning. As they walk through the ape exhibit, they pass in front of a very large hairy gorilla. Noticing the girl, the gorilla goes ape. (No pun intended) He jumps up on the bars, and holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), he grunts and pounds his chest with his free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress.

The husband, noticing the excitement, thinks this is funny. He suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow some more. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom at him, and play along. She does, and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead.

Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin. She does, and Mr. Gorilla is about to tear the bars down. “Now try lifting your dress up to your thighs* and sort of fan it at him.” He says. This drives the gorilla absolutely crazy and now he’s doing flips.

Then the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, flings her in with the gorilla and slams the cage door shut. “Now!, tell HIM you have a headache.”

I Don’t want To Live With Your Wife Anymore…..