I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was ‘the man goes on top and the woman underneath.’ For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.
I don’t excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.
Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.
Don’t tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won’t respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, ‘Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.’.
I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
Most success springs from an obstacle or failure. I became a cartoonist largely because I failed in my goal of becoming a successful executive.
Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.
With money in your pocket, you are wise and you are handsome and you sing well, too.
Part of the $10 million I spent on gambling, part on booze and part on women. The rest I spent foolishly.
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
Awesome and Amazing!!
“Forgive & Forget”…… I think, are the two most important and most desired qualities to be followed by human beings.
some good ones I used on my away messages ! live ,love & laugh and forgive its the key to true happiness… ‘brightest starr”